I miss you

i miss you as I wander along the golden path of memory I see the tears in your eyes When we said good-bye We thought you were leaving for good My heart was breaking even then

Hope

Hope i hoped you would be here this time would be real that you would me to stay i hoped we would have a love to last a life time best of friends though hope never dies with or with out you my hoe will go on you still are not here no matter what i do or try my heart still hopes for lover for your where ever you are one day we’ll be together the loneliness just a faded memory

Hindsight

Hindsight 20/20 hindsight teach lessons learned share the feeling of care be yourself have no regrets for at heavens gate change is too late.

heavens Gate

heavens gate a guiding light a fleeting thought a penny earned a battle well fought a life well lived a plan is the goal a circle of life

Gravel & Memories

gravel
and memories

out
with the old          in with the new

an
old man died a year ago toady

celebration
of his life and work

lays
in a heap of rubble fifteen feet high

a
house that use to be a home

where
he was raised          like his parents
before him

his
children after

a
home kept with love

hands
of care and concern

it
was auctioned off

only
a month after his death

sold
off to strangers

his
heritage

children
with forty thousand dollar sign in their eyes

to
remove any and all proof       he ever
existed

a
lottery for change?/progression?

When
we remove all evidence

Of
history

How
can we see and know

how
far we have come              and where
are we going

does
it not matter he really existed?,

Or
the land was homesteaded by his grandfathers?

Does
no one have pride from where they came?

The
blood, sweet and tears that created that home?

Are
we so ashamed of what has become of us,

When
we age that nothing is preserved?

The
house is no longer a heap

It

has been removed

Hauled
away in dump trucks

In
its place

Gravel

A
lot and a half of cold hard reality

Amazing
what change brings

What
time brings

Is
it really for the best?

1992,
n nelson st Spokane wa

Good Morning

Good
morning

Good
morning Lord                                              I
said

Good
morning child                                              he
said

Thank
you  for the beautiful sunset last night                    I replied

Your
welcome, I wanted your attention             
     he said

Why?                                                          
I asked

I
know your to-do list and I am not on it                        he said

Oh
                                     (not
knowing what to say,

feeling guilty and uncomfortable

I tried to change the subject)

So
Lord whatcha gonna do today?                     I
asked him

Love you more than yesterday                   He said without hesitation

GoodBye

goodbye

i
admire your strength

to
speak out with bold honesty

you
tell of experience

showing
scars

you
paint your past as dark

but
the heron there is you

in
real beauty

your
voice is kind with compassion

understanding
cushions the reality of pain

in
which many of us carry

i
am pleased you have chosen

to
share and help

how
you have changed from survivorship

to
really living

you
express what we feel

with
out the fear of actions and words

your
strength is amazing

you
have traveled so far

thanks
for reaching out

speaking,
sharing

what
we all feel.

Goodbye

Goodbye

i
would have liked to say good-bye

to express my thanks for all

that has been done, said and shared

none
of us knew it would be this soon

tell
those who cared

for
they should know

tell
them with love on your lips

a
song in your heart

and
tears only in your mind

be
glad that i do not suffer

for
the body is gone

and
the soul and spirit walk golden streets

i
have no regrets or complaints

of
the peacefulness here

do
not cry for me because i am gone

be
glad in the life i had

i
am walking with our lord

we
will be with you

through
each new dawn

grandma
hash past away

Gone A Wandering

gone
a wandering

oh
yes, I have gone a wandering

through
the corners of my mind

its
a daily travel down the path of  this
life traveler

just
another life in time

peering
through windows of time

in
my cobwebbed mind

floating
down the river of memories

trying
to grasp just a few moments

of
each day

I
did not see through the eyes of tomorrow

because
I could not get past today

I
see trails of memories

as
I experienced each

it jumps in and throws itself in the corner

piling
itself with the others

my
how the pile seems to get bigger

 and never shrinking

I
see that I am alone

again,
still

gee,
am I lost? where did everyone go

why
am I alone?

I
hear their laughter, the music

but
I see no one, I am alone

as
far as they can see

the
ear hears nothing

the
heart listens intently to no one there

no
I have not chose to be just like them

I
have chosen to go my way

cut
my own path in the world

I
have not chosen to go it alone

I
was abandoned

I
trod onward and continue to grow

seeking
out this lady that lives with in

not
just the mom and friend

but
the tender woman, soft adventurous

wandering
through the corners of my mind

peering
into windows

to
see if she has come home...

Thank
God for a new chance at life to create change.

this
life in time God granted a child and survival of cancer

may
she (my child) never truly understand

what
my childhood was all about.

Going Back

going
back

i
am going back

to
a place i remember

a
time that was mine

a
feeling of comfort

a
need that all have

a
want that is fulfilled

if
only for a moment

in
my mind

on
the memory train

First Ten

first
ten

your
companionship is very special to me

we
have grown close

to
depend on each other

there are so many things I love about you

the
warmth you give

our
balance and support

a
toast to us

for
courage and endurance

may
the next ten be no worse than

the
best of the last ten.

Fight or Flight

fight
or flight

is
the children happiness we fight for?

sacrificing
our own

we
allow the material things

to
weigh us down

all
we have earned

we
guard with our lives

weightlessness
allows the freedom

weightlessness
gives flight

love
gives happiness

compromise
where you can as long

as
you don’t compromise yourself

or
your beliefs

accepted
differences where they really are and agree to disagree

1993

Fantasies (dreams)

fantasies

(dreams)

this
is a place in which I visit

keeping
reality livable

it
is a place

I
can lay my cares down

Forget
my pains and worries

Drop
my pocket of responsibilities

Tare
up my list of things to do

Pick
up my securities

Without
inhibitions in hand

Making
things happen

My
dreams and ideas coming true

This
is my world

I
created it…

In
my sleep

Family

family

we
buried one

a
few days around my birthday

we
buried one

a
few days around our child’s birthday

we
buried one a few days around Christmas

the
most common ties in the death or missing

usually
around someone’s

celebration
of birth

yet
the times these loved ones go

are
missed the most are times of celebration

the
good of those lost is remembered

their
history and heritage

heed
the warnings and lessons

from
their lives

love
them forever

for
they are family

Embrace

Embrace

embrace
remembrance

memory

i.e.

history

today
is a day

to
remember to do

tomorrow
better

praise
is the result of prayer

always?

Dreams

Dreams

You
can see it

If
you close your eyes

You
can touch it

But
it has no feeling

You
can hear it

But
only alone

You
can start it

But
you cant cause it

You
can remember it

But
you can’t know it

It
is never over

It
had no beginning

It
is never exact

It
is not an image

Nor
an illusion

Where
did it go when I awoke?

Why
does it disappear from view?

Why
must I loose the thrill of it?

Do I Dare Dream

do i dare dream?

do
i dare?

dream?

for
the way we were

do
i dare dream?

for
the day we are united

do
i dare dream?

all
of us as a family

do
i dare dream?

of
ever finding you

Do I Dare?

do
I dare?

Wish
for the hand of time be reversed

To
any point in time?

Nay

For
the lessons learned

The
experiences I have survived

a
dark void where memory belongs

a
mystery I shish not to deal with

a
special growth

life
I may have missed out on

the
lesson I learned gave me strength

the
experiences gave me wisdom

the
dark void would cause regret and confusion

a
mystery I don’t dare wish to solve

to
not redo mistakes is a pet peeve

I
care not to caress.

Dear Friend

although
I did not know you

and
we never met

I
will miss you

you
were genteel and kind

touching
so many lives

in
your own special way

you
achieved your goal

leaving
your mark in time

though
thoughtfulness

leaving
comfort and consideration

no
act of congress

but
an act of god in your heart

giving
warmth to all you reached

goodbye
hear friend

that
you for touching my life

through
your mother

a
dear sweet life long friend.

Courage

Courage

you
gave me the courage

to
do what I felt

you
gave me my sensuality back

time
and space to figure out my life

our
relationship is special to me

it
doest matter what I go through

you
are always there

you
are a real part of me

I
can’t seem to let go

I
have learned to share with you

My
life lessons

Experiences
you do not understand

You
continue to listen

You
don’t laugh at me

Or
ridicule

You
support my growth

You
tell a story rare and precious

Without
you

there
may not have been a me

because
of your love

you
help tell the story

one
of survivorship

pioneerism,

heroism

success

happiness

security
and love

dedication
and truth

a
story about me

the
story that becomes

you